Feeling blurghh

I’m gonna have a moan…be warned.

So I’ve obviously been very focused on my gdfree eating for the past 3 weeks so I suppose when something affects me it was gonna be a worse place to slip up from. Does that make sense? I don’t know. But I have seriously suffered this weekend and the only culprit I believe it can be is – eggs.

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I had 2 egg yolks left over from some baking I was doing on friday so I used another 2 eggs and made a lovely thin omelette which my 2 year old and I enjoyed for lunch with some spinach, tomatoes, peppers and chorizo. Obviously he only ate a little bit of it so I suppose I must have had about 3 eggs or so in the one meal.

Boy oh boy oh boy did I feel rough all afternoon. All the crappy symptoms I suffer with back in one fail swoop.

Stomach cramps, stomach grumbles and gurgles like you’ve never heard, gas, serious food-baby bloating, headache and then as soon as I put the little one down for his nap I also passed out for a couple of hours straight. Woke up to go get the other two from school feeling like I’d been run over by a bus.

Put your hand up if you’ve felt like this before. I expect a lot of you.

Now this will sound really (really) stupid, but I had an egg again today for lunch. Just the one. We had sausage sandwiches in lovely fresh Waitrose gf rolls with tomatoes, spinach and an egg on top. I thought to myself…do I risk it? so it was a bit of a stupid experiment I suppose. Within half an hour I’m struggling and then asleep on the sofa, again for 2 hours, Β with my stomach sounding like a small elephant.

How come I’m suddenly having an issue with eggs? When I had my food intolerance testing done a few years ago it came up with a minor sensitivity to whole egg but I don’t feel like I’ve ever suffered so noticeably before. Or is it only so noticeable because I’ve excluded everything else so it’s easier to work out the culprit?

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The guy who I go to see for my headaches is a cranial osteopath and he’s an amazing listener and always full of great advice. He told me once to see myself as having a body that is always like having a glass 95% full. ‘Normal folk’ cruise around with their glasses 50% full in this analogy, so you can understand the difference. So for me, it will only take a little bit of an overload to make my glass overflow. It could be too much cheese that day, or one piece of white bread too much, or one egg too much etc etc. The point being that I’m so super sensitive that just the slightest thing can set me off.

I am understanding that more clearly than ever nowadays because when you’ve been so restrictive with diet it becomes so obvious when you’ve consumed something you shouldn’t have. The other day it was a soy latte that messed my stomach up for a day or two. And this weekend it’s eggs.

12631428_1004416906292838_6642251604658230890_nAnd the frustrating thing is, it doesn’t mean that next time I have a soy latte or an egg that I will get the same symptoms necessarily. But who takes the risk time and time and time again. It’s just never worth it is it?

I have a lovely cousin who is very strictly gdfree and I always admired how strong her will power was. She never deviated, she never cheated, she never even wanted to. Now I understand why. She’s lived with her sensitivities her whole life and she has had this realisation, of it never being worth it, a long time ago.

For me, it’s still a battle. A battle of my mind and my desires and my weakness against myself unfortunately.

And worse than that I have begun to realise that there is no reason why either. Why? Obviously it’s the question you ask yourself….why did the egg upset me, or was it the cheese or the bread in that sandwich, or was there too much oil on my salad, or did I not check the menu properly, or just because I fancy that piece of dairy milk chocolate. Why? And some things are just so much harder to give up than others. If you put a plate of my mum’s lasagne in front of me right now, all hot and steaming and cheesy and full of lovely pasta….I just couldn’t tell you if I’d be able to resist it. I think it depends on how strong I was feeling mentally at that precise moment. But I could tell you how it would make me feel and hour or two later. And the question is not just why, but is it worth it?

And the answer is the hard part.

That’s why I will continue with my endeavour to make delicious gdfree alternatives to all the foods I love and that I’m tempted by, in the hope that eventually I will stop craving the stuff that my body can’t handle. In the hope that I can convince my own weak-will that it’s just never worth it. Say it again. It’s just never worth it.

End of rant.

To lighten the mood here is a picture of a totally failed recipe that I tried yesterday: you win a prize if you can tell what it was supposed to be! You see, I’m not always a Delia in the kitchen!!!

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2 thoughts on “Feeling blurghh

  1. Is your recipe a fruit crumble?
    Regarding your food issues, I think you describe it all very well, so feel good with all your work so far even though it’s hard.

    Like

    1. Thanks Sharon that’s sweet of you to say. I feel like it’s 2 steps forward 1 step backwards at the moment but I guess it’s early days. The recipe was supposed to be a double layered coconut ice bar with a chocolate top…..if it looks like fruit crumble then I really did something very wrong!!

      Like

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